Every relationship has its own set of ups and downs. Often, partners get along very easily, but there are times when small incidents aggravate and lead to big fights. A strong relationship requires both effort and trust. According to relationship coach Marlena Tillhon, the trick to creating a successful relationship is knowing how to ‘use’ it. She suggests that more often than not, people tend to misuse their relationships or let their partners do so. This leads to friction and breakups.

Here are 6 ways in which you may be interpreting your relationship wrong.

Excessive Emotional Dependency

The experts suggest that one should remember that the bond with their partner is not only to unload all their emotions. It is true that people foster emotional connection and closeness. And are they there to emotionally support one another. But it should be a safe and contained environment. Your partner is not always responsible for soothing all of your feelings. It has to be done on a personal level. She mentions that one should determine what is worthwhile and important before sharing it.

Too Much Expectations

Everyone has expectations and preferences, but it is not your partner’s responsibility to meet them all. There is a clear distinction between fantasy and reality. Don’t allow unrealistic expectations to ruin the reality of what is.

Go On Complaining

Marlena states that your partner isn’t your personal complaint department. While everyone gets annoyed and likes to vent, they should exercise some limitations. Ensure that you are not continually spreading negativity and exposing your spouse to the contents of your uneducated mind. Not every notion requires attention. Not every issue is worth putting your efforts into. Learn to manage your thoughts; it is not your partner’s responsibility to contain them for you.

Treat partner as a therapist

What is going on with you will affect your relationship. So, discussing everything that comes to mind or taking objection to anything that does not meet your expectations will not be treated with the neutrality that you would expect from a therapist. Your words make an impression on them. Choose them wisely.

They Are not Your Guardian

The coach suggests that we must abandon the most fundamental of relationship paradigms, in which we assume the role of parent and allow our partner to portray us in that position. It simply doesn’t work. This type of hierarchy cannot exist in a healthy adult relationship since it will always result in power struggles and isolation. The partner is also not accountable for taking on your adult responsibilities.

Expect them to be a shield

They were not put on this world to keep you from healing, growing, and being your most evolved self. A partnership is not a receptacle for the worst aspects of ourselves. People discuss how they behave in their relationship as if it were normal in any other connection in their life. You should not be the worst version of yourself around the person you claim to love the most.